Dear Mike...

Dear Mike...

I just wanted to thank you for all the memories. I was never granted the opportunity to meet you, but I sincerely hope that you can read this letter in the great beyond, wherever you are. I need you to know how grateful I am to you.

Thriller was the first music video I ever watched. It was the first and only music video I ever loved. I am 27 years old, and I still know all the choreography. Thriller showed me your creativity, your fun side. I will always have a special place in my heart for you because of your Thriller album. Thank you, dear Mike, for the memories.

Liberian Girl still gives me chills when I hear it, and it makes me wonder what love you knew that made you sing so tenderly on that track. I want to thank you for sharing that song with me.

Leave Me Alone showed me your pain for the first time. You, it would seem, looked at the world through such kind, innocent, gentle eyes, and, the world, as it will, tore you apart your entire life. I am so sorry for that. They made jokes and criticized you and threw stones at you for your appearance and your innocent love of children, and they hurt you. I apologize for that. I apologize for them.

Billie Jean always makes me think of the very first time I watched you Moonwalk for the first time. My heart sang when I watched you move like that. It made me want to learn. So I did...but of course, your Moonwalk was much better than mine. There will never be another entertainer that can move like you. Never. You have been a legend and a pioneer your entire life. I thank you for that, too.

Beat It was the reason, the sole reason, for my very first leather jacket. It was, of course, red and silver, with many zippers, and I would watch your video on MTV and again, I knew all the choreography. I still know it, Mike, I still know it to this day. I want to thank you for that.

Smooth Criminal made me realize that there exists a dark side in this world. I listened to your lyrics, Mike, and I realized that as a woman, I will have to keep my eyes open for predators that have nothing but greed and lust in their hearts. I learned to lock my doors, and when I grew out of my girlhood and into my womanhood, this never left me. You have given me so much, Mike...you have given the world so much.

Dirty Diana, conversely, showed me that women rule the world with nothing at all but the curve of their hips, the look in their eyes, and the softness of their lips. Dirty Diana showed me that a woman can bring a man to his knees and make him submit to her every whim with little more than a mean walk and a pretty pout. You showed Black women everywhere their sexual seduction LONG before Snoop Dogg did. The way you danced close to the guitar in that video said so much about you, and it said so much about me. That said to me that music is much more than just music to you. That said to me that music is life, and that music flows through you. It also showed me that a Black woman can capture a man with the music that flows through her; the music that she IS. Thank you, Mike.

Man In the Mirror showed me how to be compassionate. How to give. How to love. How to change. You showed people all over the world that, in order for change to take effect, change has to come from within. Not just me, not just you, but all of us. I have no more words. You already said them. Thank you, Mike.

Bad was "swag" before "swag" was "swag". I am, and have always been, against this horrible kiddie pop bubble gum rap "swag" movement. But you, Mike, you gave birth to "swag" years upon years upon years before Soulja Boy was spawned into existence. You showed the world that confidence and attitude can go a long way, and that the world deserves to know how awesome you are. Thank you, Mike. Thank you.


Scream...oh, Mike...they picked you apart your entire life. They ridiculed you and tore away at your gentle frame until the end. They pressured you. Scream gave me a miniscule glimpse into the ache and misunderstanding that you endured...all 50 years of your short, absolutely amazing and powerfully influential life. I ached with you when you screamed and told the world to stop pressuring you. I did, and I do.

I sat with my mother last night and watched a rerun of your 30 year anniversary on television last night, and I asked her...I asked myself, really...if you enjoyed entertaining. I wondered if you truly enjoyed entertaining, or if you entertained because you knew that it made the world smile. I wonder, even now, if you entertained the world because it brought smiles to our faces, tears to our eyes, and music to our hearts. I wonder if you felt that the toll it undoubtedly took on you was worth the pain and the scrutiny and the pressure. I do hope it was, Mike, because you certainly paid for it. You certainly suffered for our enjoyment, and it's not fair. It was never fair. If no one else ever thanked you, Mike, Ms. Cheyenne Byrd is thanking you now. Ms. Cheyenne Byrd from humble Pittsburgh is certainly, sincerely and with the best of intentions and with LOVE...is thanking you now.

Incidentally, I never believed the hype. I never faltered in my belief in you when the world said that your innocence was a facade. I never did. I don't know if it would make a difference if you knew, but Mike, I never faltered.

I just wanted to give you a moment of my time, since you gave me so much of yours throughout the years. Thank you so much, Mike...

Gone Too Soon.



~With Love...

Cheyenne.

I Am Learning You.

i am learning you.
i am learning you, my love, the same way you are learning me.
i am learning to love you by sight,
scent,
sound,
and caress.
i am learning to love you gently.
i am learning to push you
harder
faster
so that you give in to me
and give me what i need.
when i am away from you
the jones
in
my
bones
is too much to bear.
how, then, how, my love,
had i lived without you for so long?
i knew that i would fall for you
the moment i laid eyes on you
in fact...
i think i loved you
the moment we touched
for the first time.
the first caress
would not be the last, i vowed,
for i craved you from that moment on.
i crave you as i write these lines.
the way you
whisper to me when i
squeeze you how you like
the way you
sing just a little louder to me
when i push that spot a little harder
the way you
breathe into my ear when i
take it a little slower
the way you
seem to move with me
assuring me
caring for me
when we are alone together
i give you every
opportunity
to hurt me and cause me pain
and break me
and make me bleed and
cease to breathe and
i put my faith in you
in us
that neither one of us will fall.
i promise you
my love
that if you never fail to
hold me up
i will never let you down.
i will never let you down.
i will never let you down.


i love my bike.

Progress.

you
sometimes i wonder
deep within myself
why i am worthy of you
you
sometimes i wonder
just how we made it this far
when you are away
and not in my bed
i feel so empty and ever so alone
and i have this need
to be near you
you
sometimes i crave you
your body deep inside mine
so far that every breath i take
seems to become your own
and then i am beautiful
you
when you caress my spot
i feel myself open and flow
like rainwater and you
catch every drop
and then i am asleep
you, me
sometimes i fear that we
will cease to be
you are morning and i am night
and then i realize
that one is naught without the other
us, we
we give each other the opportunity
to cause such misery
and we do but then we
hold and comfort each other
and take away the pain
quiet rain
then days are sunny and i
pray that they never end
these words are so simple
just stay for a while
through all my mistakes and shortcomings
seasons change
but you are always there
i hope that you will always be
there for me
take care of me
we must go forward since the past is no more
tears and shame
i am sorry
you are sorry
we are sorry
this world gives us so much pain
let me take yours and you take mine
uncertainty
once flooded me
unhappiness
once overtook me
things change and people change and now
i cannot envision my life without
you

Hello, Kitty.

hello kitties! it's been almost two months since i blogged. i'm not really sure why...yes i am. it's because someone fucked up my computer. i don't know who it was, and i don't know what happened, but it happened. fortunately, though, the other half bought me a new one for valentine's day, so guess who's bizzack.

i'm anticipating the end of march. around the ides of march, actually. my bike will be paid off then. i only owe 400 on it! i have half a mind to go in my stash at home and just pay it off in one fell swoop next payday, but the money in that stash is for the hotel room for a week in may for black bike week. jill and i and possibly another bike club member friend of mine are supposed to go. my mom is also supposed to go as well. that would be so much fun. i can't wait, actually. i think my mom will actually end up backing out, which is okay...i might not be able to cut loose as much as i want to with my mom there anyway. i'm sincerely hoping that jill doesn't back out. i totally want to bring her on this vaca. two best friends at the fucking beach together at the beginning of summer- -what?? can you imagine the debauchery???

i have been purchasing lots of hello kitty decals and graphics for my bike. i can't wait til she's sitting in front of my house so i can start making her mine. and practicing. i desperately need to practice my riding skills too so i can be ready when may comes. actually, if we're being honest, i need to practice my riding skills so i can be ready when the nice weather returns. i joined a bike club, and i've been embracing the biker lifestyle a lot lately, and i need to be able to ride to events and all that when the time comes. i'm sure i'm the only girl in pittsburgh with a hello kitty sportbike. that's awesome. :)

okay, you know what? i'm at work right now and i should probably make an attempt to get some work done. so i'll write more- -on my new computer- -when i get home.

until then...

One L♥ve.