Colder Than a Witch's Tit.

Hello, addicts! Tonight, as promised, I'm shifting the focus of my blog to one of my very favorite topics: natural hair! :-) And it couldn't have come at a better time, either. To my chagrin, the weather has started to turn here in frigid Pennsylvania, and you know what that means. Black hair becomes brutally dry and brittle. My own treasured locs started to feel like a bale of hay, so I decided to give myself a slow, luxurious hot oil treatment...and, of course, blog about my method along the way. I hope someone out there in Internet Cyberville finds my entries helpful, or soothing, or positive, or something along those lines.

So, the first thing I did was spritz my locs pretty thoroughly with a peppermint oil/water mix. I'd already washed my hair a few days ago, but I wanted and desperately needed to increase my softness factor, so this treatment was kind of special and impromptu. Anyway,  I spritzed until my hair was damp enough to recognize by touch, but not saturated enough to drip.  Then, in a [what I call a] squirty bottle, or rather, one that you'd apply hair dye with; one that shoots out a steady, linear stream as opposed to a mist, I combined the following oils:

Creme of  Nature 100% pure Moroccan Argan oil (expensive as shit, found here: http://www.amazon.com/Creme-Nature-100%25-Pure-Argan/dp/B00BR5ISJC/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1415590844&sr=8-4&keywords=creme+of+nature+argan+oil) 

Hollywood Beauty Tea Tree Oil (moderately priced, found here: http://www.amazon.com/Hollywood-Beauty-Tea-Tree-Oil/dp/B000A3V1XC/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1415590952&sr=8-2&keywords=hollywood+beauty+tea+tree+oil)

My all time favorite, Kemi-Oyl (expensive as shit, found here: http://www.amazon.com/Kemi-Oyl-4oz-Hair-Oil/dp/B0012ML9K0/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1415591042&sr=8-4&keywords=kemi+oyl)

Giant Eagle Market District evoo (moderately priced, found at Giant Eagle, but any extra virgin olive oil will do)

A delightful little product found at Sally Beauty Supply called Mystic Divine Argan & Monoi Oil Nourishing Oil Treatment, which my hair absolutely loves. My hair loves all Mystic Divine products, actually. Please try them. They're fantastic. (Expensive as shit, found here: http://www.sallybeauty.com/nourishing-oil-treatment/SBS-024003,default,pd.html#prefn1=brand&prefv1=MYSTCD&brandLandingPage=true&start=1)

Jamaican Mango & Lime Island Oil (modestly priced, found here: http://www.amazon.com/Jamaican-Mango-Lime-Island-Ounce/dp/B000EGK550)

And 365 Everyday Value brand Expeller Pressed Organic Virgin Coconut Oil, found at Whole Foods, but any virgin coconut oil will do.

I microwaved the oil mixture for what I guess amounted to about 40 seconds, sloppily got it into the squirty hair dye bottle and waited a bit for it to cool. Then, I parted my hair and squirted the oil directly onto my scalp until it was completely saturated, massaging my scalp as I went. Once I was sure my scalp was fully saturated, I applied the rest of the oil mixture to the locs themselves. 

As the last of my oil mixture dripped into my hair, I realized that the locs themselves weren't saturated enough for me. To remedy this, I generously massaged raw, solid coconut oil into my beloved tresses. Addicts, coconut oil is literally like life in a jar. It is one of few things in this wretched world that is an absolute good. That's why it's so expensive. It's healthy for skin, it's healthy for hair, it's healthy to cook with...there is nothing negative about coconut oil. 

When I was satisfied with how saturated my hair was, I stuffed my locs into a lovely, high quality plastic bag from my local liquor store, and proceeded to get drunk and watch a few episodes of Drugs, Inc., which is the stage I've reached as I type these lines, faithful junkies. 

Now, the elitist in me will tell you to go to any hair store and buy an Evolve brand self-heating aluminum cap and use that when doing at-home hot oil treatments. They're luscious. They use your own body heat to trap warmth and moisture in as you're doing your treatment. (Modestly priced, found here: http://www.amazon.com/Evolve-3908-Cholesterol-Conditioning-Cap/dp/B003JN6BWG) That is truly what you should do, for the absolute dopest results. However, I didn't have one on hand, and I didn't feel like leaving the house, so I took it back to the old school and went the plastic bag route...and that's just fine, guys. :-)

So, after the current episode of Drugs, Inc. is over, or I've finished my drink; whichever takes the most time, I'll jump in the shower and do a thorough rinse of my hair, and possibly a very quick conditioner only wash. I'll retwist as normal, with Shea butter for natural hold and moisture retention (modestly priced, found here: http://www.amazon.com/African-Shea-Butter-Cream-100%25/dp/B0009MHJE4/ref=sr_1_10?s=beauty&ie=UTF8&qid=1415592783&sr=1-10&keywords=Organic+Shea+butter) and Organic Lock & Twist gel (perfect for those with naturally silky and slow-to-lock texture, like mine; moderately priced, found here: http://www.amazon.com/Organic-Root-Stimulator-Lock-Twist/dp/B0014RA68E/ref=sr_1_1?s=beauty&ie=UTF8&qid=1415592912&sr=1-1&keywords=organic+lock+and+twist+gel).

The result will be touchably soft, sexy, sensual locs with a buttery texture that would make your head spin. I hope this little tutorial reached someone out there floating in space :-) Leave comments if you try my method and it werqs for you! :-)